I'm back..... Definitely needed and enjoyed that sleep last night! So I've wrote a little bit about me to introduce myself to the world now to write the real reason why I've started a blog....

Soo 4 months ago I split up with my then fiancé, matt, even tho it was my decision it was still a massive shock to the system and an even bigger shock to our friends and family! We were planning on setting the date 1 month after we split but he just tipped me over the edge and I really couldn't take it any longer. For 2 months prior and for 1 month after I was signed off work with stress and depression and was put on anti-depressants; back then I had no idea what was causing me to feel like I was, it all came out of nowhere and nobody really understood it! For those 2 months prior to the split I just tried to continue my life as normal, spending time with friends and family, visiting work as often as possible to update my boss on the situation but there was always one thing at the front of my mind and that was the question of "why am I feeling like this?!" I asked myself every day from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep, I had constant nightmares which would be on my mind throughout the following day becos I just couldn't decide what was real and what wasn't anymore. Then one day my best friend, Lucia, came to get me and take me out for the day, matt finished work early without telling me and a few hours later rang me shouting down the phone about me not being home, he sounded drunk, he was drunk, I knew him well enough after 4years to tell on the phone that he was, so I got Lu to take me home but he wasn't there. The flat was empty but there was a potent smell of stale beer. I text him to find out where he was to have a reply of "wherever the fuck I am has nothing to do with you, don't know of I'll be back tonight so maybe see you tomorrow". With that I made myself some dinner, snuggled up with the cat on the sofa and watched 27 dresses on DVD before going to bed a couple of hours later. I woke up to the cat jumping off the bed around 5am and could hear footsteps so I got up and found matt sat in the lounge, so drunk he was struggling to stay sat up. I couldn't believe how drunk somebody who apparently had no money could get within  that amount of hours. He say there for an hour screaming at me about my laziness and me going out with my friends etc.  I couldn't believe some of the hurtful things he was saying. I ended the argument saying we will talk when you sobar up and I went to bed. I was woken up again a couple of hours later by him stumbling into the bedroom and passing out on the bed!  I only managed  to sleep for another hour if that  then got myself out of bed and started  cleaning the flat up. Once I finished I sat down and noticed MY joint account card on the table. I always kept that in my purse so I knew where it was, I had paid all the bills the week before. And knew  I hadn't taken it back out my purse so I looked  at the online banking to see if the remaining money for the direct debit to tv licensing was still there....it wasn't! £50 had been withdrawn from a cash point in portswood the day before! I couldn't believe what I was reading on the screen in front  of me. I text Lucia and said about it, she was shocked. When matt finally got his ass out of bed I confronted him about it. He tried turning it all against me saying it was my fault for not being home etc etc. I felt like my blood was boiling and like steam was gonna come out my ears and then BOOM those 2 words came out of my mouth, "ITS OVER" I repeated it 4 times, I couldn't believe what I was saying but the relievement I felt was unreal, I felt like a massive weight had lifted off my shoulders! I rang lu and she came and picked me up straight away, she didn't want me driving in the state I was in! We went out to mcdonalds to grab something to eat and discuss what had happened. As I explained it all to her I felt even more weight drop off my shoulders, I felt amazing! At this point the only question in my head was "was it really him that was causing all this, making me feel like I did". For the next few nights I stayed at lus, I didn't hear from matt at all, it just proved to me that he really didn't care about me like he said he did, it proved to me that what I done was the right thing to do and I knew that from now on I would be able to smile! For days I blamed it on everything that was mentioned on the argument but not many people know the full reason behind it all, so I'm going to write another post on this blog to explain mine and his relationship from when it first started and hopefully you will understand why!!